There is a common misunderstanding that if a dog comes and sits or lies near you, they want you to stroke them. Lots of dogs enjoy closeness and even contact without actually being stroked.
Misreading this is a common reason that dogs will start to give off stress signals, which if ignored, may escalate to a growl to ask you to stop. Unwanted contact may be even more difficult for dogs who are in pain, have touch sensitivities, or dislike certain areas being touched.
How do I know if my dog actually wants me to stroke them, or if they just want to be close?
Your dog may indicate that they want that sort of contact by nudging you, pressing their head in to you, or pawing at you.
How do I know if they want me to stop?
Look out for body language such as excessive blinking, showing the whites of eyes, leaning away, turning their head away, licking their lips, yawning, panting (when they aren’t hot), narrowing eyes, lowering their head. If this sort of thing is ignored then they might escalate to growling.
Why don’t they just walk away?
Not all dogs feel comfortable doing this or they may be conflicted if they want the proximity to you, just not the stroking.
Consent testing
I always recommend consent testing to give your dog a choice. Allow them to indicate that they actually want you to stroke them. If they do, go ahead, and stop after a few seconds. They may ask you to carry on, if they do, stop again after a few seconds. This regular stopping gives them the opportunity to move away if they’ve had enough.
In this photo example, is me and my boy. He loves proximity to us and will even lean against us like he is here. This doesn’t necessarily mean he wants us to fuss him every time he does it. He isn’t the sort to move away on his own because he wants the closeness.
In short…closeness does not always equal consent, and we should ensure physical contact like stroking is choice-based, as an important part of safety around dogs (as part of bite prevention) and to prevent stress to the dog.
To learn more about consent, choice-based methods, and dog body language, pick up your copy of Empowering Your Dog Through Choice on Amazon.
Sally Lewis 2023
Know Your Dog 